i promised myself i would write something in here someday soon

and that was yesterday. so now it is time. i can't decide if i want to write about all my glorious adventures in the past month or so but really, it's become hard to remember things since i've lost my mind. so i wont. i will however write about how my parents have been away and i have the freedom to dance around in my underwear, tom cruise risky business style, but i dont do that. ever. i like my independence and the hot humid sticky summer air caressing all body parts, and i like the fact that i can drink wine late at night, i can smoke a cigarette outside, i can wake up and not hear my mother gossiping on the phone about the trials and tribulations of being a 1st grade teacher with the summer off BUT OH MY GOD LIFE IS SO HARD and i have full reign of the living room and i can leave all my crap wherever i please and basically I OWN THIS HOUSE AND IT IS FINALLY NOW THAT I CAN CLAIM WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE. but then again, there are times when i realize i miss my mother. like when it's time to cook dinner. the other night i was trying to make a veggie sandwhich like how my mom makes it. so i try and call her up but she doesnt answer her phone because she's on the other line so i call my dad instead- and i go " dad i really miss mom and i need to ask her a question and she isnt answering the phone" within moments my momther calls me back "UGH OKAY, Kelley, whats wrong?" And i go " well..... remember the other day when you made me that grilled vegetable sandwhich.... i wanna make it but i don't know how to make grilled vegetables" "I GOT OFF THE OTHER LINE FOR A SANDWHICH?!" Yeah, i got her good (sure put an extra spring in my step) and learned some vitals. Grilled vegetables are made on the bbq. i have a bbq. there is no way i'm using it though. not because it's cold, but rather, because it just wont happen. and i probably won't even buy vegetables. but i digress- you cut them length wise, marinate them with maybe some evoo or terriaki sauce, and then GRILL THEM on the bbq. AND THIS IS LIFE AND THIS IS GRILLED VEGETABLES. and this is probably something you totally don't care about. SORRY.

sometimes i think about this blog. here we go.

dear blog,

i like you, i really like writing. i really like writing in you. i want to be one with you. you and i, blog love. for life. but i dont think anyone reads you. actually, i am pretty sure i didnt tell anyone about you. GOD, i am having a secret love affair with you. yes, a deep passionate, emotional love affair that is leaving me torn (like that natalie imbruglia song). why am i hiding you? why haven't i told anyone about you? dear blog, why should i keep you secret? this is entertaiing RIGHT? people would want to read you, RIGHT? but then i think good lord, this is fucking vain. i'm not blogging about any world wide political or cultural notions, for CHRISSAKES i'm blogging about grilled vegetables and britney spears and wouldn't it be vain and self indulgent for me to broadcast to the whole wide world, and by the way, blogspot is the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, about my life as if they actually care?! I do not know. i need more time. actually, i need more sanity. wtf is with this shit i write?

xoxo ((that's E-KISSES and E-HUGS),

ME

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EDIT:

i forgot to include that my brother had a party two nights ago and it was LIKE SUCH A RAGER. well today, in between me being a waste of life, watching tv in the family room in my undies and being a social degenerate, i decided GEE I HAVE TO PEE. So, i decided to use the little bathroom next to the front door that i never use ever, and but today is a fine and glorious day so i did. and it smelled like ass. at first, i thought, this is why i never use this bathroom, but then i thought, no that's not why it's really because i dont like the close proximity the front door and the way the window is visible to the porch, but anyway, then, i found a TURD. a long gross disgusting brown EW FUCKING GROSS TURD... in the GARBAGE CAN. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS YOUNGER GENERATION. HAVE PEOPLE NO DECENCY? HAVE THESE KIDDIES LOST THEIR GODDAMN MIND?
So, today is August 7, 2008, today is the day i found a turd in my garbage can. sometimes life is fucking funny. but not haha funny. and sometimes, it's just fucking smelly.

no babe in the wild wild wood

i’m trying to do things that read summertime like eating juicy peaches and wearing dresses and I can’t decide if I am trying too hard or if it is just happening naturally, I can’t decide if summertime is bliss or misery. It's a really hot summer afternoon and I am thinking that we haven't had a lot of these yet except for last night when it was really hard to sleep in my bed. And i thought about how much more difficult this would be if i had someone else in my bed and i imagined that nice big purple float floating along inside my pool and wouldn't it just be nice to dive into it from the deck and swim around and then after i was done swimming i could lie on the float and you would swim up and kiss me as i'm lying there. but i still hum that same fucking song over and over in my head- what a bust/ this is how the story ends/ he's* gonna turn me down and say/ can't we just be friends?

remember when this happened?

o today, instead of listening to my professor with a french accent speak about methods of reasoning, my mind started to drift to other important topics, you know…JT's recent appearance on Oprah, Lil Wayne's reference to Hilary Clinton in the lollipop song, why papa Joe Simpson is such a creep, why i care that he is (do I actually care that he is?), if my professor knows who that is or who any other prominent pop culture figure is for that matter, but, most importantly, if my professor has pink eye, or if he's just smoking a lotta weed before class, and if i should start smoking weed before class....... because then maybe i'd be thinking more about lifeeeee and loveeeeee and what makes me feeeeeeel, but really, i'd probably just fall asleep at my desk, only to be rudely awakened by the fire alarm being pulled by the evidently psycho 40 something year old woman while screaming 'i'm a married woman and this professor is attacking me!' OH WAIT, THAT ALREADY HAPPENED YESTERDAY. can summer school get any better? Maybe. Probably. But not likely.

Shit is going on lately, and I'd like to recommend the following coping skills 1) pretend it's not true 2) use judgement 3) make excuses. Maybe I am being unreasonable, or maybe my brain has decided to collect mildew and has stopped working. Either way, I'm not going to write about what's not working because there is plenty of that. Instead I'm going to recognize that every tear shed is holy. And even through my inflamed teary eyes, I can still see that this is true. Especially so if you're my professor and should be using eye drops either to kill that nasty-ass fungi causing the pink eye or relieve the bloodshot eyes from the dank-ass weed. So drop that shit. Like it's hot. Or, pink. Or something…

i want another tuesday like the last

because last tuesday i winded up in the city with emily, jill, and olivia on the rooftop of a penthouse apartment in Chelsea NYC after meeting some dudes on the street of manhattan. they invited us to join them after they witnessed us sketchily pouring some liquor into coffee cups while sitting on the stoop of a building. they invite us to a party. we go. clearly, this is a heavily alcohol induced decision, but never fear, they seemed relatively normal and had girls with them.

we met some interesting characters. Chip, the one who initiated the invite, lied about his band playing at warped tour and his employment with jennifer connely. lie after lie, gee, he was SO RAD. Linzy, who not only has a girls name, but spells it like a total tool. and jeremy(?) who goes to the same college as my cousin and when i asked if they knew eachother he responded with a yes and made several remarks that definitely made him sound like my cousins secret, homosexual admirer. Hal Garrity, be warned.

So, apparently blogs are, like, SO in right now. cool. I had a livejournal, that's a blog, but now I must advance to something that has BLOG in the url.
blogs are awesome, i have a blog, i am AWESOME.
I should invite corporate investors to advertise on my BLOG and generate a handsome profit. YES SWEET SWEET CAPITALISM MY BABY.

Anyway, i need to make this friends only ( not to be obnoxious but i'm pretty sure that's what it is by default) but because the i carry the scars of creepers on myspace with me to this day. i must make sure you are not some 46 year old man living in an apartment in Wyoming wanting to read about what i ate this morning for breakfast. wait, no, i think i'll spare you the breakfast details. i do, however, plan to include all the juicy details about my summer which will inevitably include descriptions of the latest shade of pink i've painted my toenails and what flavor ice-pop is best for poolside lounging.

kisses!
kelley

edit: apparently,friends only not possible. well, possible but not happening as it seems to be one giant pain in the ass. Instead, we'll take the good faith approach and play a little game.
who i'd like to read this:
friends, family above the age of 16, perezhilton
who i'd i would NOT like to read this:
people who use myspace and/or blogs as a means of harassing or pursuing those of the female persuasion. also, no people who make loud noises when the eat, because i just don't like that.